ANALYSIS: When the ego takes over, happiness becomes a performance

Introduction: A Place to Defend, Even to Be Happy

The warning reissued on September 12

On September 12, Top Santé relaunched the warning. An inflated ego stands in the way of happiness, asserts Dr. Manuel Sans Segarra. The statement is thought-provoking. It also calls for a fair amount of nuance.

His remarks were made earlier. La Vanguardia published them on September 16, 2025. The doctor contrasted the satisfaction derived from external successes with a more lasting inner peace. A distinction—not a universal truth.

This is a question that concerns us all. At what point does the quest for recognition turn life into a constant test? Success might then bring less joy than relief—until the next challenge.

This trap deserves our attention. It may begin when simply living is no longer enough, and every day must provide new proof of our worth.

What his assertion compels us to distinguish

Sans Segarra offers an interpretation. He favors a happiness defined by inner calm. This choice matters. Psychological research also examines life satisfaction and the emotions we experience.

These concepts intersect. They are not to be confused. To understand his warning, we must distinguish between self-esteem, the need for superiority, and dependence on the opinions of others.

Let’s avoid the easy verdict. An unhappy person does not necessarily suffer from pride. A confident person does not necessarily hide a wound. These automatic characterizations are misleading.

The title catches the eye. The explanation must stand on its own. We can examine the effects of an overbearing ego without handing out diagnoses to everyone who is like us.

Loving oneself should not be a fault

The distinction made by the NHS in 2023

Self-confidence deserves its place. In its fact sheet revised on April 11, 2023, the NHS presents healthy self-esteem as a source of support in the face of difficulties. Respecting oneself can help.

The term “ego” remains broad. In everyday language, it can refer to self-image, pride, or arrogance. This lack of precision muddies the discussion. Let’s focus instead on behaviors.

Believing in one’s own abilities makes it possible to try. Recognizing a talent makes it possible to develop it. The problem arises when we demand that this ability establish superiority over others. Ranking replaces competence.

Modesty does not require self-effacement. A person can recognize their own strengths and respect those of others. There need be no losers.

Self-respect takes nothing away from others

The NHS also distinguishes between self-assertion and the suppression of others. Its guiding principle is reciprocal: respecting the needs of others and expecting similar consideration. Everyone has rights.

This distinction protects the reader. Saying “no” is not enough to prove an excessive ego. Nor is asking for fair compensation. Let’s examine the request itself.

One question remains relevant: Are we seeking to enforce a boundary or to prohibit any dissent? The stakes are different. In the first case, a legitimate position is defended; in the other, it becomes exclusive.

The boundary is concrete: being able to count on others, and allowing others to count on us. Any reflection on the ego should preserve this equality of consideration before calling for greater humility.

Happiness cannot be reduced to two molecules

The biological oversimplification of the 2025 remarks

Chemistry defies slogans. In remarks reported in 2025, Sans Segarra links pleasure to dopamine and inner peace to serotonin. This simplified dichotomy is insufficient to explain happiness.

A 2021 scientific review by David Nguyen, Erin Naffziger, and Kent Berridge distinguishes between pleasure, motivation, and learning in the context of reward. Several processes are involved, and they can evolve differently.

Dopamine, in particular, plays a role in the mechanisms that make a reward appealing. The desire to obtain something and the pleasure felt remain distinct. The desire to win, therefore, does not directly measure the satisfaction obtained.

A scientific name can be reassuring. It can also oversimplify. The biology of well-being deserves better than one molecule for restlessness and another for peace.

A fleeting joy retains its full value

The same review acknowledges the contribution of pleasant experiences to well-being. Their limited duration does not make them false. An ordinary pleasure can have its own value without promising to solve the problems of life.

The rustle of a page. A familiar voice. The warmth of a cup in one’s hands. These sensations remind us that a pleasant moment does not need to become proof of success.

Systematically pitting pleasure against happiness would add unnecessary scrutiny. Should we be suspicious of every joy simply because it comes from outside ourselves? The real issue lies elsewhere: what demands do we then place on it?

A moment of joy may pass. It will have existed. The problem begins when we demand from it a definitive validation that no single event can reasonably provide.

Studies do not predict any inevitable unhappiness

A meta-analysis published online in December 2024

The results vary. A meta-analysis by Constantine Sedikides and his colleagues distinguishes between grandiose narcissism and vulnerable narcissism. Published online in December 2024, it appeared in a journal in May 2026.

The first dimension is associated with greater well-being; the second, with less. These are statistical trends. Their contrast makes it impossible to predict individual happiness based on a general label.

Another important finding: these links become insignificant after taking self-esteem into account. This observation suggests its role. It does not, on its own, demonstrate a definite causality.

This research does not evaluate the “ego” in the philosophical sense used by Sans Segarra. Its findings do not refute his definition of happiness. Above all, they prevent his cautionary note from being turned into a general diagnosis.

This nuance disrupts a compelling narrative. It makes the narrative more accurate. A universal claim must give way when observations show different trajectories.

Feeling good does not prove that one is doing good

These studies focus on the well-being of the individual being assessed. There is no moral judgment here. Personal satisfaction does not automatically reflect the experience of partners, colleagues, or loved ones.

And yet, this distinction changes everything. We sometimes wish that hurtful behavior would inevitably make its perpetrators unhappy. A desire for justice. Not a psychological law.

Who pays the price when someone feels superior? The question remains open. To answer it, we must examine interactions and their effects. The feelings of a single person are no longer enough.

Inner comfort can coexist with difficult relationships. We must examine both. Our judgment of actions need not wait for the perpetrator’s misfortune.

When Approval Determines Your Place

The stability studied by Neff and Vonk in 2009

Self-confidence can be fragile. In 2009, Kristin Neff and Roos Vonk studied, among other things, the stability of perceived self-worth. A favorable assessment may remain conditional.

Their research linked self-compassion to a sense of self-worth that is less dependent on outcomes. A hypothesis emerges: If every success determines our legitimacy, every setback may seem to take it away.

A compliment can provide relief. It does more than simply please; it becomes a temporary license to value oneself. This perspective explains why external validation can take on disproportionate importance.

Recognition can be supportive. It can also become indispensable. Fragility arises when the gaze of others alone holds the power to make us acceptable.

The silence of others is not a verdict

Dependence on outcomes was precisely one focus of the 2009 study. It encourages us to distinguish between an event and its personal significance. A lack of approval does not prove a lack of worth.

A message may go unanswered. An achievement may go unnoticed. Without context, these facts allow for multiple explanations. Turning them into a condemnation of oneself adds an interpretation that nothing guarantees.

Wanting to be recognized is only human. There’s no shame in that. But it’s possible to question the conclusion drawn from silence before letting it dictate your inner peace.

The phone isn’t vibrating. That’s the fact. What that silence might say about your worth is another story—and that story deserves to be verified.

Comparison turns joy into a ranking

The Relationship to Social Perception in the 2009 Study

Comparison was also among the variables studied. Neff and Vonk observed a negative correlation with self-compassion. This association provides a point of reference. It does not condemn all social comparison.

Observation can teach us. A method. A gesture. A possibility. The mechanism changes when this observation serves exclusively to decide who deserves the most consideration.

Let’s suppose a personal achievement. It retains the same characteristics even when someone else announces a better result. Yet, if only the rank matters, its value seems to diminish. The chosen criterion transforms the experience.

The achievement hasn’t changed. The ranking has. By constantly measuring one’s joy against that of others, we assign it an external source.

Progress can regain its own measure

The experiments by Breines and Chen, published in 2012, offer an additional nuance. After receiving instructions on self-compassion, some participants preferred to look toward better performances. Comparison could go hand in hand with a desire to improve.

It all depends, then, on the question. What can I learn? Am I inferior? These phrasings direct our attention differently. The first seeks information; the second engages one’s entire identity.

We can adopt a technique without adopting the need to beat our role model. We can acknowledge someone’s lead without denying our own journey. Let’s preserve this freedom to learn.

Admiration can open a path. Rivalry can narrow it. The other person becomes useful to our growth again when they cease to be merely the unwitting judge of our worth.

Criticism can become an internal trial

The sensitivity described by the Mayo Clinic in 2023

A remark can take on excessive significance. In its April 6, 2023, fact sheet, the Mayo Clinic describes difficulties in dealing with criticism as one of the possible manifestations of narcissistic personality disorder.

The context is clinical. It does not automatically apply to an ordinary defensive reaction. A disagreement, sensitivity, or a bad day are not sufficient to establish a personality disorder.

The mechanism is nonetheless worth examining. If a correction threatens one’s entire self-image, its substance may be overshadowed by the urgency to defend oneself. The information becomes an attack.

A single sentence might help set the record straight. It can become unbearable if it seems to decide everything. The challenge would be to restore the mistake to its proper proportions.

Admitting a mistake does not diminish one’s dignity

The clinical record also describes relational difficulties. Their significance requires us to consider the consequences. Responding to a remark with contempt can shut down the exchange, even when the perceived hurt is genuine.

The facts remain open to debate. A criticism may be unfair. It may also be well-founded. Examining this point does not require giving up one’s limitations or one’s own version of events.

Being wrong about a decision does not negate a person. This distinction protects dignity. It becomes difficult when acknowledging a mistake requires a flawless image. What, then, remains of the right to learn?

One can defend one’s reputation while correcting one’s actions. One does not preclude the other. Personal responsibility becomes more attainable when dignity is no longer up for grabs.

In a relationship, the other person also claims their place

The Needs of Others in the Clinical Description

Loved ones matter, too. The Mayo Clinic lists, among the possible difficulties associated with narcissistic personality disorder, a tendency to pay less attention to the needs and feelings of others. The cost can be shared.

This observation does not describe every proud person. It points to a key consideration: Can the other person express something that is displeasing? A reciprocal relationship requires more than well-distributed admiration.

Suppose that every disagreement requires immediately reassuring the person who feels challenged. The discussion might end without addressing the initial concern. A legitimate point of view would then lose its place.

Who listens to the one offering reassurance? The question matters. When a single perspective dictates the entire exchange, others risk becoming mere guardians of an image.

Understanding cannot be a solitary endeavor

The NHS recommends relationships based on mutual appreciation. Let’s look at actions. Listening, acknowledging a request, and tolerating disagreement all contribute to shared consideration.

Understanding vulnerability can shed light on a reaction. Accepting everything is something else entirely. A loved one retains the right to set their own conditions and protect their personal well-being.

And yet, the exchange may seem peaceful. No one objects. The question is whether this calm truly allows everyone to speak. Relational silence does not prove agreement.

Peace has many faces. Some allow you to breathe. Others demand silence. The quality of a relationship is also judged by what can be said within it.

Childhood sheds light on a story without condemning it

The habits mentioned by Sans Segarra in 2025

The past takes center stage. In her 2025 remarks, Sans Segarra emphasizes habits acquired early in life. These habits are said to shape thoughts and feelings. Let us approach this with caution.

It does not allow us to explain a person from a distance. The NHS highlights several influences on self-esteem, including messages received and difficult events. A psychological trajectory rarely has a single explanation.

It would be risky to invent a childhood based on an adult’s behavior. Suffering warrants questions. No accusations without facts. Hypotheses do not constitute a biography.

A story can help us understand. It must not be fabricated to explain what troubles us. Respect for the individual begins with this restraint.

The early years do not determine everything

The NHS fact sheet also states that one’s self-perception can evolve in adulthood. This point opens up a possibility. It promises neither easy change nor identical results for everyone.

Understanding a past form of protection can help us examine its current usefulness. Does it still serve a purpose? What is the cost? It then becomes possible to distinguish the past function of a reflex from its present consequences.

The past deserves a place. It doesn’t have to occupy every seat. Working on oneself might involve holding onto what still protects and questioning what now holds you back.

What has been learned can leave a deep imprint. That imprint is not a sentence. There remains a difference between knowing your history and surrendering your entire future to it.

Kindness toward oneself can loosen the grip

Self-compassion as defined in the 2009 studies

Kindness rejects categorization. In the work of Neff and Vonk, self-compassion combines kindness toward oneself, recognition of a shared humanity, and balanced attention to one’s difficulties. It also applies to flaws.

This shift is important. One can acknowledge suffering without concluding that it defines one’s worth. One can admit a limitation without being reduced to it. Self-compassion ceases to expect a perfect outcome.

This attitude does not deny anything. A mistake remains a mistake. The question becomes how to face it—with enough precision to learn and enough self-respect to keep going.

Harshness sometimes seems serious. Above all, it can paralyze us. A demanding yet non-humiliating approach would leave more room for the necessary work after a failure.

Being Imperfect Without Losing the Right to Count

Neff and Vonk did not present self-esteem as useless. Their findings linked both approaches to positive outcomes. Of particular interest was a relationship with oneself that was less dependent on circumstances.

I acknowledge a limitation. It is easier to explain this distinction than to remain clear-headed when a judgment touches on a core belief. Vulnerability doesn’t disappear just because we know how to describe it.

This difficulty calls for patience. It doesn’t justify lashing out at others. But it prevents us from turning a useful insight into yet another mandate: to succeed perfectly in no longer seeking perfection.

We could still compare ourselves to others. To be the most detached. The most at peace. The most humble. The ego also knows how to claim first place in the refusal to compete.

Acknowledging a mistake opens the door to real work

The motivation observed by Breines and Chen in 2012

Treating oneself properly can support one’s efforts. In Breines and Chen’s experiments, an instruction to practice self-compassion increased certain intentions to improve. It did not, therefore, simply lead to excusing one’s weaknesses.

After failing a test, participants spent more time studying. Elsewhere, they expressed a greater willingness to make amends for a mistake. These experimental results remain specific to the situations examined.

The scope remains limited. Intention still precedes action. Time spent does not guarantee success. But these observations challenge the idea that only self-criticism motivates change.

A mistake demands a response. Self-blame can give the impression of taking action without actually making amends. Meaningful change begins when a person confronts the consequences of their actions.

An apology should not seek consolation

The 2012 experiments measured, in particular, the desire to make amends. This distinction invites us to examine what follows acknowledgment. Concrete reparation has a recipient, a specific purpose, and limits.

Admitting a mistake. Submitting a corrected assignment. Complying with a request that was previously ignored. The focus returns to the act itself. These actions do not require the affected person to immediately reassure the one who acknowledges their responsibility.

One can feel sincere regret and still need to change. Emotion does not solve everything. The other person also retains the right to remain hurt or to ask for time.

Regret can run deep. Trust still needs to be rebuilt. An apology becomes more genuine when it stops demanding, in exchange, an immediate restoration of our image.

Humility ends where self-effacement begins

The Right to Say No in NHS Guidance

Refusal can be protective. The NHS presents it as one of the paths to healthier self-esteem. This guideline prevents a misunderstanding: reducing the ego’s role requires no submission.

Criticism can be precise. It can also be humiliating. A request can be reasonable. It can become intrusive. Working on one’s reaction does not require declaring another person’s behavior acceptable.

We must examine the terms. Who is demanding what? With what reciprocity? If the humility demanded means that one person must always give in, the word masks an inequality in the relationship.

Make room for the other person. Maintain your own space. Balance lies in this dual movement. Peace achieved through self-effacement does not constitute shared progress.

The person who has been hurt does not have to make themselves smaller

Self-assertion presupposes mutual respect. This principle, established by the NHS, also applies during a conflict. One can listen to a criticism while rejecting a degrading way of expressing it.

And yet, the temptation exists to reduce everything to inner work. It would be enough to react less. To expect less. To take things less to heart. This explanation may overlook the actions that truly cause harm.

To exist less?

This question deserves to be considered. A discourse on the ego loses its value if it asks those who are hurt to make their suffering more convenient for those around them.

Misfortune is not the fault of the ego

Clinical suffering goes beyond a lesson in character

Persistent suffering deserves a proper evaluation. The Mayo Clinic recommends seeking help when certain behaviors or overwhelming sadness become problematic. Professional support can help. A label isn’t enough.

A lack of joy can have many explanations. Context matters. So do personal struggles. Concluding that someone has an “excessive ego” based on their distress would add judgment without establishing its cause.

This distinction protects the act of asking for help. A person doesn’t have to prove their humility to be heard. They can describe what persists, what repeats itself, and what disrupts their life.

Being unhappy is not a moral failing. Grief deserves to be listened to before an explanation is given. No one should have to become more “acceptable” to receive serious attention.

Asking for help does not confirm any diagnosis

The Mayo Clinic presents psychotherapy as central to the treatment of narcissistic personality disorder. The framework remains clinical. This does not mean that every request for help indicates pathological narcissism.

A doctor or psychologist can help examine a long-standing difficulty—without any prior assumptions and without the need to play a role. What matters is understanding the specific situation and its consequences.

You might come with a question. With a recurring conflict. With the feeling of being constantly judged. Acknowledging that you don’t understand everything can already make for a less defensive discussion.

You’d have to be strong enough to… The sentence stops here. Asking for support doesn’t take anything away from a person; it can give them back a sense of agency.

Listening restores a place to the things we cannot control

The relational approach suggested in Top Santé

Listening opens up a path. Top Santé suggests letting a loved one speak without immediately preparing a response. It’s an accessible gesture. No results are guaranteed. Its value lies in the quality of the attention given.

The effort can remain modest. Ask what was difficult. Rephrase to clarify. Allow them to correct your understanding. The goal would be to grasp the other person’s experience before defending your own intention.

Disagreement may remain intact. Listening does not require approval. It simply allows you to avoid fighting against a fabricated version of what was said, while leaving room for reality.

The other person’s voice has a rhythm. A hesitation. The end of a sentence. Hearing it through to the end can become a discreet way of giving up the last word.

Sincere attention does not expect a reward

The Top Santé article also suggests actions consistent with these values, even without recognition. A personal experience might be possible. It does not constitute a clinically validated method in this article.

Rendering a discreet service. Keeping a commitment. Setting aside time for a chosen activity. The question is whether the action retains its meaning when no one notices it.

It is not necessary to refuse thanks. Their absence should simply not automatically nullify what has been done. The meaning of a gesture can extend beyond its audience.

No one applauds. The gesture remains useful. In this space without an audience, something might ease: the obligation to turn every action into evidence to be presented.

Observing a reflex is better than condemning oneself

Examining an interpretation rather than an identity

The NHS suggests examining negative beliefs. This principle can inspire a simple observation after a difficult exchange. What was the fact? What interpretation was added? What response followed?

These are avenues for exploration. No scoring. No hidden tests. Noting an exact remark and distinguishing one’s own assumptions can prevent mixing the observed behavior with an intention attributed to it.

A question can guide reflection: Did I seek to understand, to set a boundary, or to reclaim a position of superiority? The answers may overlap. Honest observation allows for this complexity.

A reflex can be described. A response can be reconsidered. Declaring oneself definitively at fault closes the matter, whereas a specific question could still keep it open.

Progress doesn’t always look like calm

The cited research distinguishes between attitudes, intentions, and measured behaviors. Let’s keep this useful distinction in mind. Feeling agitated does not necessarily prevent a more respectful response. How one feels and what one does are not the same.

One can feel annoyed and still let someone finish a sentence. One can feel embarrassed and still correct a piece of information. These examples do not prove any lasting change. They point to recognizable gestures.

The criterion becomes less dramatic. What happened during the exchange? What was preserved? Improvement can begin before the inner image becomes perfectly reassuring.

The unease remains. The interruption did not occur. This contrast matters more than a promise of serenity when the goal is to change the way one relates to others.

In ten years, what space will remain for living

Immediate effects do not tell the whole story

A brief experiment does not predict a decade. Breines and Chen’s findings shed light on specific reactions. They do not guarantee lasting happiness. The scope of the evidence must remain intact.

In five or ten years, we might examine something other than a fleeting sense of success. The space left for relationships. For attempts. For disagreements. This perspective raises questions without predicting the future.

Ambition could retain its strength while ceasing to dictate everything. A career could remain important without exhausting one’s identity. A goal could provide direction without taking away the right to rest.

The project may remain demanding. Life remains broader. The challenge would be to stop expecting a single success to justify our entire existence.

Everyday life deserves better than constant evaluation

Sans Segarra contrasts external satisfactions with a more stable peace. His distinction can fuel personal reflection. It does not justify disregarding material needs or the concrete conditions of existence.

Having a roof over one’s head, time, and respectful relationships retains real importance. Introspection does not replace everything. Expecting it to be enough could become yet another impossible demand.

So one simple question remains: What would we like to be able to do without immediately asking ourselves what it proves? It promises no transformation. It reveals a margin of freedom.

An evening can be ordinary. A conversation without a winner. An activity with no audience. A day does not need to produce a trophy to have been worth living.

Conclusion: Happiness Shouldn’t Require You to Defend It

The doctor’s warning takes on a more precise meaning

The statement was too absolute. The meta-analysis on narcissism shows mixed associations with well-being. Clarification is needed. An inflated ego does not allow for any automatic individual verdict.

The warning, however, raises a useful question: What becomes of a life when approval must constantly renew its legitimacy? It is this dependence on validation that deserves closer examination.

One may want to succeed. To be recognized. To feel capable. These aspirations remain legitimate. They become problematic, however, when they prevent one from learning, listening, or acknowledging a real limit.

It’s not about becoming invisible. It’s about being able to exist without constant scrutiny. A more stable sense of self would leave more room for life as it unfolds.

An existence broader than the image to be protected

Research on self-compassion opens up a cautious possibility: a difficulty can be acknowledged without requiring an overall devaluation of oneself. The results remain limited. But the question of change can remain open.

No one becomes invulnerable. The need to be appreciated remains. The difference might lie in the power we allow it to have over our choices and over what others say.

One could lose an argument without losing a relationship. Miss a goal without forbidding oneself from trying again. Receive a compliment without staking one’s moral survival on it. That alone would be a tangible freedom.

The image still demands assurances. Life, however, goes on. Perhaps we begin to live it more fully when the need to prove ourselves finally agrees to make room for it.

When the ego takes over, happiness becomes a performance.

What would you like to rediscover if your worth no longer had to be proven at every moment?

By Maxime Marquette, Columnist

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I am not a journalist, but a columnist, analyst, and expert. My expertise lies in observing and analyzing the geopolitical, economic, and strategic dynamics that shape our world. My work consists of dissecting political strategies, understanding global economic trends, contextualizing the decisions of international actors, and offering analytical perspectives on the transformations that are redefining our societies.

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ANALYSIS: When the ego takes over, happiness becomes a performance